New Years Resolutions.

Happy New Year.

The recovery process after reading ‘Call Me By Your Name’ proves to be extremely difficult as I am currently experiencing detachment issues. I can’t stop thinking about the characters and my emotional state, let alone theirs.

Because of my detachment issues of which I don’t put myself down for, It’s resulted in me reading online reviews, and watching interviews of the actors, who play Elio and Oliver in the film, in order to slowly escape the strong gravitational pull that this book possesses.

Other than this book taking up a good 83% of my VALUABLE time, I have been slowly applying to university. This process is taking its sweet time and I really need to be reminded of how vital my application is in order to be accepted into the universities of my choice.

Moving onto the topic of this blog post, I never usually make new years resolutions as I have never really seen the point in them.

Firstly, most people give up on their new years resolutions (including myself), so what’s the point? Secondly, they’re normally so cliché and aren’t really something that you are willing to put the effort in for.

And finally- If you really want to change something about yourself, or better yourself then why wait till the New Year?

However, I have been watching these YouTubers (lol don’t judge) and their content has really inspired me to do something that I know I will definitely stick to. I want to learn a new language.

For a long time now, I have been wondering why native English speakers aren’t persuaded to learn a new language. I feel so ignorant when I go to another country and I expect them to know English as it is the second most spoken language in the world. It fascinates me when I hear that people can speak multiple languages and I wish that I was one of those people. Other than learning a language at GCSE, we are never encouraged to learn another language from a young age, and this is something I wish people would have pushed me to do.

I started off by wanting to learn German as I recognised certain words and phrases from when I was younger and was studying it. I thought it was the easiest language for me, personally, because of what I already know. However, it wasn’t the language that I felt passionate about, which is why I am now going to study French instead of German.

The French language is a romanticised language and I have no other excuse as to why I want to study it apart form that one. The language, to me, sounds so beautiful and has always been a language on my list to study alongside Italian, German and Mandarin. This doesn’t go to say that I will just drop German; it just means that German isn’t my priority without making that sound so rude and opposed.

Some people probably think that I will give up, or not stick to my word. However, I actually feel quite passionate about this and want to speak fluent French. I understand that French is quite hard when it comes to pronunciation and grammar, but I wont give up. In fact, because I am so passionate about this language I believe that I will stick to my new years resolution.

Don’t make a new years resolution if you know that there is a possibility that you wont stick to it. I believe that it’s completely pointless if you’re just going to drop it like all your other resolutions.

Maybe learn a new language?


Call Me By Your Name

Call Me By Your Name

I am so tired, but I just finished this book and have to talk about these key scenes. I wrote this so quickly because I want to go to sleep, but couldn’t wait to talk about it.

This book has really affected me because I, as a gay man, never get to see gay books and films become mainstream as it is said that this ‘preference’ of romance would not achieve a great audience that would create a large revenue. Luckily, Andrè Aciman (the author of Call Me By Your Name) wrote this very special love story that has definitely made me feel a lot more compassionate towards the idea of love.

I feel that gay people tend to give up on the idea of love as it is said that it is a lot harder for gay people to fall in love and find the right person. And I believe this to be true based on my experiences. Sometimes when I go clubbing, my friends are ‘getting off’ with straight guys because the whole club is filled with the popular heterosexual species. And it’s hard being the only gay guy in the corner WATCHING sexual tension build up between two people because I have never experienced it in that environment. Not saying that straight people in a club fall in love instantly with the person they get off with cause that is definitely not the case. But that’s, predominantly, the only type of lust for someone I see. This book helps me to understand what it’s like to be in awe by somebody.

I would say that I have definitely been in love before, but it wasn’t the love that many people make ‘love’ out to be. This book helped me understand what it felt like, but not in a way that you would expect. 

People, who are in love, say that you are both like one person; you are no longer an individual, but a unity. This book is quite graphic, or is it?, when it comes to talking about ‘feeling comfortable’ with the one you love. For example: Timothée Chalamet, who plays Elio ejaculates into a peach and Armie Hammer, who plays Oliver dips his finger inside the peach, tastes Elio’s semen and eats the fruit that Elio ejaculated into. Earlier on that night, Elio came into a peach whilst imagining having sex with Oliver and left the peach, and its contents that were inside, on his bedside table. Oliver later came into Elio’s bedroom and dipped his finger in and ate the peach as a form of acceptance and gratitude towards Elio. Here is the passage from the book WHICH YOU MUST READ:

“I watched him put the peach in his mouth and slowly begin to eat it, staring at me so intensely that I thought even lovemaking didn’t go so far…I could tell he was tasting it at that very instant. Something that was mine was in his mouth, more his than mine now. I don’t know what happened to me at that moment as I kept staring at him, but suddenly, I had a fierce urge to cry. And rather than fight it, as with orgasm, I simply let myself go, if only to show him something equally private about me as well. I reached for him and muffled my sobs against his shoulder. I was crying because no stranger had ever been so kind or gone so far for me….I was crying because I’d never known so much gratitude and there was no other way to show it.”

To me, this scene relates to the gradual acceptance of each others intense love. Sex is a personal subject between you and your partner and by Elio and Oliver sharing this moment with each other is some what beautiful.

The peach is a metaphor and is a way for these two men to be joined together. I can understand how this analogy may seem kind of gross, but look past it and see it as a way of connecting with each other, passionately. Throughout the book, you start to discover that Elio wants to try everything with Oliver and that Oliver is willing to do whatever Elio wants. They both want to connect with each other and not be afraid of it, or embarrassed like some people are. For example: Elio would lick Olivers eyelids, Elio drunk too much once and Oliver helped him throw up by putting his fingers in his mouth. Towards the end of their romance, they both share a hotel room and they both watch each other shit. Elio tells Oliver “Our bodies have no secrets now”. They share each others clothes, take showers together and literally try to feel like they are one person.

Elio wants to open doors to places where the most private bodily functions revert to acts of intimacy between these two men.

‘Call Me By Your Name’ is what the book, and the film adaptation has been called. When I first read the title I didn’t understand it, but by the end it could not make more sense. Like any other intimate relationship, two people, or more, become one and share each others lives together. This is what this book explores, but in a personal and graphic form. I later on see that Elio looks up to Oliver and sees himself in him, but just a younger and inexperienced version of him. 

This book is by far my favourite book and I recommend it to anyone. I cannot wait to go and see it in the cinema and hopefully you will be there supporting this work of art too.

I want to finish with what Elio says later on in the book:

“I had never been able to admit to myself how happy Oliver had made me the day he’d swallowed my peach. Of course, it had moved me, but it had flattered me as well, as though his gesture had said, I believe with every cell in my body that every cell in yours must not, must never, die, and if it does have to die, let it die inside my body.”

Why Sense8 is the most SENSE-ational television programme.

Sense8 is a science fiction/ drama show that is distributed by Netflix and has managed to form a strong audience that understand the true meaning of emotion and acceptance. The show is about eight people who have the ability to connect with each other mentally and emotionally, even though they are in different locations around the world. For example, some characters are based in Mexico, Nairobi, South Korea, India and many more locations.

Sense8 was cancelled, but then bought back because the fans reached out on social media to Netflix, which then reversed Netflix’s decision to cancel the show and create a two hour Special that will be released in 2018. Thanks to all the petitions that made Netflix re-evaluate their decision, I get to enjoy two seasons, plus a special, that has helped me to understand human emotion, and hopefully will help you understand it too.

Viewers were pessimistic about the show as it is something that no other programme has offered before, which is diversity. People are afraid of diversity and the ‘damage’ it can cause to society as it’s not ‘normal’. However, Sense8 breaks this ideology and reverses what it is deemed to be acceptable. This is why the show is exciting for people like me.

The show helps us understand the importance of emotion and expression, and how we communicate with one another. Each character can feel what someone else is feeling whether it be pain, sadness, love etc. Yet they’re not actually with each other, physically. The show portrays a positive message that when we connect with each other mentally and understand a particular emotion, then the world becomes a better place because ignorance is ignored and broken by the simple task of understanding and having compassion towards another human being. It’s a message about working together and crushing negativity that compels people to conform to pre conceived ideologies that actually don’t make sense in a contemporary world.

Labels are what limit our society in discovering what kind of person we can be if we weren’t so caught up in what kind of person society wants us to be. The greatest battle we have as human beings is within ourselves and by saying ‘fuck you’ to the norm, we are achieving a lot more, personally and collectively, by encouraging difference and not normality. These limitations are broken in Sense8 and it encourages viewers to not be afraid of the person that is locked up inside their own body, but to express it and be proud of who you are.

The show encourages diversity. For example, the fluidity of sexuality is promoted through sex scenes that include every character. You see women experience connections with other women and men experience connections with other men AND IT’S COMPLETELY NORMAL! These orgies that the show have filmed emit a strong sense of passion and love through the art of sex and acceptance. There is a line that Sun says which is “we exist because of sex and it’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s something to honour, to enjoy.” When watching these scenes you can’t help but feel the love that is being portrayed, which is exactly why this show has been created. There is no room for hatred and division, for only love and unity is the most important.

We see different ethnicities connect and experience no form of hierarchy and self importance. Instead, they connect and help each other. When all the characters meet they all approach calmly and aren’t freaked out by the fact they hear voices and see someone else standing in their own living room. They connect as if there was nothing separating them in the first place. Distance is just air between two people. However, an emotional connection is a mental feeling that will never be broken. It gives off a message that we shouldn’t be scared because everyone looks different, acts different etc. It promotes the idea that we should accept difference and think positively of it. We see this in the show when Kala and Wolfgang fall in love even though they are both from very different backgrounds. Wolfgang is part of a violent, yet vulnerable, background, and Kala is due to get married to a man that is so in love with her yet it means nothing because of the emotional connection that her and Wolfgang have for each other.

Everyone on the show are portrayed to be emotional and to not hide the fact that sadness is a weakness. In society, men are stereotypically portrayed to conceal their emotions and not release any signs of weakness. Why? This show breaks that ideology through characters such as Will Gorski. Women are portrayed to be strong, independent, clever through characters like Sun, Nomi and Amanita. Why is it so difficult to represent real life and not create a fake reality that everyone struggles to confine with? Traditional ideologies are broken and re-sculpted by the influential team who worked on the set of Sense8.

Modern TV shows focus on cynical events and views on humanity which allows us to only think about the depressing side to human kind. This doesn’t do anything. Although, it does allow us to appreciate great shows like Sense8 that enlighten humanity and what we can do to make the world a better place just through the art of connection and emotion.

I suppose the audience for Sense8 are misfitted in society, which is why this show helps them, and myself, to understand that they are beautiful and aren’t outsiders. People like me and many others don’t fit into societal expectations, but this show gives us hope and determination to change matters that affect us in a negative way.  Love and struggle is something worth fighting for when I watch a show like this and it shouldn’t be compressed into a dark definition that everyone is afraid of.

Difference is something we fear and turn into a comical subject for bullying and to dehumanise people that have felt dehumanised their whole life. However, this show TEACHES people that we should embrace difference and not divide. So I urge you to watch Sense8 and feel inspired by the amazing work, and the risk that Netflix took in order to promote acceptance and love through the art of cinematography.

Thank you Sense8.

These are some great scenes from Sense8:

Happy BeyDay.

It is the 4th of September and the world is celebrating the birth of the greatest entertainer of our time. I am currently sitting in my living room blasting out all of her songs that she has ever done whilst writing this blog post.

I became a fan of Beyoncé when ‘I am…Sasha Fierce’ got released. However, I knew a lot of her songs before hand, but never actually payed enough attention to her performances and why she is one of the greatest performers to walk this Earth.

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Beyoncé is known not just for her music, but for her iconic performances that amaze whoever comes to see her show and I highly recommend you go see her live if you can afford it and you are lucky enough to actually get a chance to buy as they sell out quick.

I have never seen an artist work so hard before and deliver such an epic meal because she wants to and because she enjoys it. She makes her fans expect the unexpected and constantly gets better and better overtime. Her reputation is always growing and she is known to be the queen in the industry because she goes the extra mile. She really does have it all; the voice, the creativity, the baaawdy and many more elements that make Bey who she is.

She isn’t just a singer and performer. She is also an actress and does it so well. She has her own music label and has currently signed two young women called Chloe and Halle. She has made many of her own films and has directed them herself alongside featuring in many iconic films such as Austin Powers, Dreamgirls etc.

This virgo seriously inspires me to go far and work hard just like she has in her life since a teenager. Her beyhive recognise that she works hard and constantly back her corner no matter what. Forget the honeyBEYs. KillerBEYs are the new deal because of her reputation.

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The first concert that I experienced of Beyonce’s was ‘The Formation World Tour’ and I can happily say that it was the best day of my life. Everyone connected in that stadium, that was sold out may I add which resulted in her creating another date for London which also sold out, and it felt like family. Everyone understood why she has the reputation she does and didn’t call her over rated. I am now awaiting another album and release date cause I can’t get enough.

Beyoncé has six solo albums: Dangerously in Love, BDay, I am Sasha Fierce, 4, Self Titled and Lemonade. Not to mention all the albums when in the girl group ‘Destiny’s Child’. When listening to these albums you can hear her voice slowly mature over time because she has been in the industry for so long and has practiced and earned what she has today.  These albums represent the journey of her life which is why her fans connect with her and are so protective.

My favourite album would be ‘Self Titled’ because this is when I really noticed how hard she works. Her songs were very different from previous songs and you could see that she grew more confidence when writing this album. Her performances were more fulfilling and were more thought out. You could see that she spent more on production in this album and ever since self titles she has spent more and more which is why I love her.

She is one of the most successful black female artists of all time with figures that no one has ever touched. Beyoncé has the most VMA awards overtaking Madonna which is a massive achievement.

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Beyoncé truly is the best performer and I believe everyone should recognise the hard work that this inspirational woman has put in for us!

Happy BeyDay Bey.

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Activism and Social Justice.

I would first like to start by muttering under my breath how bad I have been when it comes to updating the public on my ‘not so busy’ life. I will try, and I emphasise on the word ‘try’, to post more.

The leading subject of this blog post is, of course, how I am having trouble trying to solidify a career choice that will benefit me emotionally, physically and financially. However, this is proving to be a lot harder than what I expected as a door starts to creep open just as I close the one behind me. I understand that I am ‘only’ 18 years old, but this doesn’t mean that I can’t be organised. After all, the government forced me to compile a list of qualifications that would soon determine the next stage of my life at the age of 13.

I have always wanted to pursue a career in photography, or film since a young age up until now. Don’t get me wrong I love photography, but I don’t obtain the same excitement towards picking up a camera now like I used to. The one person I can thank for the passion that I have for photography would be my grandma Lennard. She always had a camera in her hand whilst watching me and my brother grow up, and was able to capture memories that could have been forgotten.

Being 18 has obviously allowed me the right to vote, own a house, have a full time job and leave education. Ah, but I can’t actually afford to own a house because I’m on a lower wage compared to people that are 21+. I also can’t earn enough without a degree in my profession which results in me gaining a large sum of debt to my name, and WILL effect my future. Although, voting is something that has changed my mind when it comes to choosing a career, or at least made it a lot harder to decide.

As a boy in his youth facing older generations that fail to understand the horrifying impact global warming has on our society, I feel it is my duty as a millennial to make this world a better place and fix what other people have fucked up. On the top of my list is global warming as it is the biggest threat this world has, collectively. If you haven’t seen it then please watch ‘Before the Flood’. The documentary features Leonardo DiCaprio, who discusses climate change and how it is rapidly effecting every day life for not just humans, but life around us too. I was in shock and almost in tears to see how badly we are treating this planet. I don’t want to be responsible for the devastation that could effect my children and their children in years to come. A lot of people literally say to me that it wont be their issue in hundreds of years, which is so selfish and you lot can fuck off. Actually, no. Listen, or watch the film at least. After watching the documentary, I stopped eating beef and refuse to eat anything that has palm oil in. I have become a lot more aware of what is going on around me and believe that everyone should do too. If you don’t understand why I have stopped eating beef, then it gives you an excuse to watch the documentary if what I have said hasn’t already.

Secondly, I would like to focus on poverty and equalising the social classes through social activism and awareness. This is a subject that has really effected me emotionally ever since I started paying more attention to politics. It breaks me to see that upperclass men and women are not caring enough for the people that are not as wealthy, or as fortunate as they are. I understand that many of you have earned your money and well done to you, but would it really effect your bank balance to help people that are desperate? You are helping their quality of life, and that is something we should be aiming towards as a western culture. We should be striving to make this country a better place and give it a positive reputation after the negative outlook that Brexit has given us.

Thirdly, I HAVE to focus on war and pacifism. I am completely against the idea of any war. After watching ‘Testament of Youth’ and looking up to the noble Vera Brittain, who is known for her pacifism and war time stories, I cannot tell you how much of a pacifist I am. I also visited ‘Hospital in the Rock’ in Budapest. They had a section about nuclear war and the effect it would have on humans today; I walked out of their in shock because I cannot believe that people are still supporting an ideology that would kill millions and effect life for many years if not end it entirely. At first, I was unsure at the fact that Jeremy Corbyn wanted to eradicate our nuclear weapons and persuade other Western countries to do the same. However, after educating myself about war I couldn’t agree more with him. Thank you Vera and Jeremy.

When the U.K left the European Union, I felt that part of my identity had been taken as that is all I had ever known. I was proud to say that people from the E.U had easy access to the U.K in order to achieve a healthy education that actually meant something. We are such a diverse nation and that is something that I think we should be promoting. Not trying to extinguish.

There are many more matters that I would love to address, but these are the ones that I, personally, am focusing on.

I am going to India next year with Molly and it is going to be such a moving experience. I will be out there for six months (I would stay longer, but visa’s and shit), and I am going to spend everyday learning about their culture and helping the people that aren’t as lucky as I am. I feel it is my duty to do so and would encourage millennials to involve any social activism in their career path too. It is a lot easier for me to do as I will be able to incorporate film and photography. I can understand that it would be very difficult to involve activism with many career choices, but all I am asking is to show awareness to people about issues that are effecting our planet right now! Knowing that I will be using my skill in photography to provide awareness to the public will bring me pleasure and fulfil what I set out to do in the first place, which stand for social justice.

We don’t have long- lets get started.

White People, Please Stop.

I cannot have one more conversation with someone that follows right wing ideologies anymore. If I haven’t already, I am so close to losing my shit.

How is it so hard to notice that people are suffering because of your white supremacy? I find it so difficult to talk to a white person, who supports a right wing political party, and explain how white supremacy affects different cultures. It’s literally getting to the point where I am wanting to give up as I have no hope in trying to convince white people that they are the main cause as to why this country is dividing.

I don’t even know where to start with this painful topic that is literally destroying me, but more so other ethnicities. I would like to say that white men have ruled this world since time even started. White people have always been more ‘socially superior’ in comparison to other ethnicities just because of the colour of their skin, which is utter bullshit. The sad thing is is that this still happens today. White people are STILL seen to be the most superior type of human on this planet. I am white, and this literally makes me sick.

Every time I have a conversation with a white person, they think that other ethnicities have equal opportunities just as much as a white person does. Where are you getting this from? Can you start to open your eyes to a variety of media and understand that you are more superior to other people and that this is not fair!

I was talking to Molly today about what we indulge in when it comes to politics and media and it’s difficult to say what is wrong and what is right. People who read The Daily Mail may say that what they portray is correct and completely acceptable. Yet people like me would say that The Guardian is portraying a justifiable morality. Everyone believes in different ideologies, which is fine, but does it take much to understand that by being white, it gives you an advantage over other ethnicities? These are simple, truthful statements that restrict others. Why can’t we all be treated equally? Because of white supremacy. Learn it, understand it and help others because of it.

People call me naive to the world just because I am 18, almost, and have apparently no knowledge of ‘the real world’. To an extent, it is true. I do not own a house; I do not pay taxes, and I do not have a full time job. However, I am not a naive person just because I support labour and left wing ideologies. You, my fellow righty, cannot accept the fact that your political party is slowly dividing a nation. All you have to do is look at the statistics on who voted for a conservative representative. It says a lot about what the political party stands for.

I am thankful to be in a generation that is so much more politically aware than generations before me. This intimidates a lot of people (the generations who are older than me) because of our awareness on social issues. We, the new youth culture, have a moral understanding on what is right and wrong, and people view this as being a threat to what is the traditional ideologies that one is used to. We are here to break your ideologies and keep up with sociological change as your generation cannot be the ones to change it, and it’s an issue. We want to represent everyone and not just white, heterosexual men. This will no longer be a patriarchal society, but an equal society.

It’s quite difficult living in an area that is predominantly white, offers no multiculturalism, predominantly voted for a right wing political party, and a place that ignores the youth. However, I have amazing friends and teachers that understand that we are not being heard, and teachers also understand the struggles that this society faces today. So why can’t you?

Another thing that I struggle to explain to white people is that reverse racism is non existent so stop pretending that it is. White people have never been oppressed because of the colour of their skin. Part of racism is that it has a lot of history behind it. Dear white people, where is your racist history? And I am not talking about the privileged history either. White people have never felt the same way as a black person would, because they have never experienced racism like a black person has. It’s so important to acknowledge this and not be so naive to your supremacy.

I wish people would use their white supremacy as a way to benefit other ethnicities and cultures, rather than using it as an advantage to make themselves look more superior ,and not give other people a chance in life.

All I can say is, is that the left must keep supporting our political party and not bow down to the current ideologies that the right are putting into place. Go and attend peaceful protests, but always keep in mind that right wing newspapers will portray it as a riot and support the ideology that all teens are trouble makers. Owen Jones said that we cannot give up, but we need to be stronger and get our voice heard 10x harder. Don’t let fascists get the better of us!

I want to leave you with an article that I read when it first came out in October 2016, and believe that it still has relevance in 2017.

P.S. Not apologising for being passionate 🙂